This is a piece of satire

LAHORE- After decoding the patterns of what is being described as blankets of smog over Lahore and other parts of Punjab, environmentalists have described the phenomenon as ‘nature’s lakh laanat’.

“The ‘in your face’ smog is nature’s fittay mun and lakh laanat to your faces,” said senior environmentalist Khaleel Tetlay. “The decoded patters formed by industrial waste, car pollutants and excessive usage of diesel reveal nature telling us that what we feed it,” Tetlay added. “Nature wanted to make it obvious what we are doing, so it just threw everything in our collective face.”

Another leading environmentalist Ze Shani explains that all the choices we make in life stay in the atmosphere.

“They come back and stare you in the face like Karma does,” says Shani. “That’s what the smog is. Karma staring us in the face, making us a cough and sneeze and infecting us with germs of our own negligence.”

Khabaristan Times talked to the public about their distress.

“It’s my massi’s fault. She throws the rubbish on the road. I have told her not to do it, but still, she does it. I fired her today, it’s because of her the smog hasn’t ended,” said 41-year-old Parveen, a DHA resident, while driving her BMW.

“Dude the government is useless – can’t even handle smog,” said Usama, a software developer 12.3 seconds after throwing a banana peel on Main Boulevard.

Aslam Qureshi, a literature professor and one of the few budding environmental philosophers in Pakistan tells human species that you are what you excrete. “The fault, dear Bashir, is not in our smog. But in ourselves, that we are underlings,” he said while talking to Khabaristan Times.

Originally published in Khabaristan Times