This is a piece of Satire

The collections arrive amidst the spread of ventriculawnitis

Islamabad/Lahore/Karachi: As the lawn fever increases in the country, billboards are swamped with models wearing the latest lawns designs. Meanwhile, a local top designer has launched new collections titled ‘can’t afford it now’ and ‘in an alternative life maybe’.

“Even more intriguing then the Indian models on the streets of Pakistan is the influx of patients in the cardiology ward of hospitals across the country,” says security consultant Humeira Batool, whose services haves been hired by outlets before announcing seasonal sales.

Khabaristan Times has found out that there is a definite connection between the two influxes, as we went on an investigation spree. The disease has been tentatively called ventriculawnitis by doctors, with a formal name expected to be finalised by early May.

When talking to the patients in absence of their wives they revealed to Khabaristan Times anonymously that the summers have become a very hard season for them, and it’s not even about the heat.

“My bank balance drops like a hot brick, burning through my pocket,” said a miserable husband, who was at the ward after he experienced sharp pain in his chest as he saw his bank balance when his wife came back from her seasonal shopping.

Talking to a wife who was very concerned for her husband, “I am so depressed; I don’t know what to do. I think I have to go shopping to lift my mood.”

Another depressed husband, who suffered a nervous breakdown said, “I have two daughters and a wife, we had an amazing winter. We were so happy and then summer happened. My life was disrupted when my wife and daughter went to some brand which had the best designer lawn.”

The war of the lawns has just begun but the head of the houses have already surrendered. They feel that dying would have been a better option.

Meanwhile, experts believe that the two latest collections titled with more than a pinch of realism would help ease the number of patients affected by ventriculawnitis.

Originally Published in Khabaristan Times