Takfiri Star Wars fans plot brutal excommunication of ‘pretentious buffs’

This is a piece of Satire

The slaughter will take place at Cinestar, IMAX

Lahore: Despite weeks having gone by since the release of ‘Star Wars Episode VII: the Force Awakens’, issues pertaining to the film release continue to surface. Experts suggest this may be the first time in the history that the light and dark side has united over a matter, which is to finish off the ‘pretentious’ Star Wars fans.

“Star Wars is not a trend, it is history. It’s a legacy which only a handful can carry out not the entire burger populations”, a light side member said while talking to Khabaristan Times.

The dark side agrees: “These wannabes are ruining what we have stood for”

“I love Star Wars; they have this torch and this robot thing. OMG this is so trending on Twitter too”, said a new Star Wars fan, from DHA. Lahore.

Twitter was taken by storm following the film’s release and a secret Jedi committee has been formed by the ‘original Star Wars fans’ who are making the target list.

“We can easily tell the fake ones apart, these are worse than Sith, and the list has been growing as the premier nears”, confided the committee head while talking to Khabaristan Times.

They plan to slaughter the wannabes at the next IMAX screening at Cinestar, Lahore, with real lightsabers. “They do not even know the difference between lightsabers and torches,” said an agitated member.

As the universe expands, these wannabes are becoming a source of concern for many Jedis. This scribe sincerely hopes that the Force stands with them.


Originally Published in Khabaristan Times 

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