A serious concern we all have to look into are the increasing divorce rates around the world. This particular one is about the Pakistani divorces in UAE.
“& then he slapped me”
As a girl, it is a childhood dream to become a bride, the wedding chaos & enjoyment is an addiction. In Pakistan weddings happen every day but what happens to the couples after the big day is when the true tale begins.
The fairy tale has an abrupt ending after the weddings dohl stops! We have such an illusion of weddings that all we want is to get married, well the girls at least.
The Pakistani society, the world over is mostly the same with minor differences in thoughts more or less. Having born & brought up in UAE, a expatriates country, we are taught to trust our people, or not to be very skeptical of them, but still matches are hard to find, as mothers usually fly off to Pakistan to get brides for their sons & girls are given off to relatives or close people & when proposals come from families they can trust after a lot of research.
Yet today in UAE we see a lot of divorces, Ayisas story tells us just a little about what’s happening in this country of glamour.
Aysia belonging to a middle class family in UAE got married a year ago & has been fighting her divorce case for the past 6 months.
According to the Shariah law a Females are allowed to divorce their husbands, which is called as “Khulu’” under the following circumstances:
- If she dislikes her husband’s treatment, such as him being hot tempered, over-strict, one who criticizes her and rebukes her for the slightest mistake or shortcoming.
- She may dislike her husband’s physical appearance
- If her husband is lacking in religious commitment
- If the husband deprives her of her rights of spending on her maintenance, clothing, and other essential needs, when he is able to provide these things
- A woman may also ask for a divorce if her husband does not give a woman her conjugal rights
- It is crucial to point out that there must be a valid reason behind asking for a khulu’. The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said: “If any woman asks for divorce from her husband without any specific reason, will not smell the fragrance of paradise.”
UAE laws are a mixture of both Shairah & constitution when it comes to divorces.
Ayisa got married after her Alevels, as the grooms side said that they will educate her after marriage & her parents thought that the family is very trustworthy so why not.
After 2 months of adventure the real life started, the need for grand children, the needs of her husband grew day by day, the need to keep everyone happy. It was quite stressful for a teenage girl to be the eldest of the sister in laws & be burdened with so many responsibilities; as much as she tried she failed.
“My in laws were hardly ever happy & I couldn’t even talk to my parents about it as I thought I was at fault mostly”
We as girls are taught every day by our parents to compromise, the extents or limits aren’t mentioned just told to keep quite or listen. But isn’t it unfair not to define the limits?
“But one day when I wanted to meet my parents, I was denied, somehow I reached but well I haven’t gone back ever.”
Ambereen, a BBA graduate got married when she was 25, after marriage her husband & she moved to a separate apartment from the family & lived for a week or 2 happily. One day she wakes up & finds the house door locked. “I called my husband in panic & all he said was sorry I guess I just forgot ill come in the afternoon & open it because I have a meeting to attend, well I thought it was a genuine mistake” but this happened time & time again. After a week of this Ambreen finally confronted him “& then he slapped me told me to shut up & do as he says because he was the boss of me, that was it for me, even though he was a great husband, educated & well settled but this showed mental illness”
Our girls are educated, established & have a mind of their own now, they know what is right or wrong for them, when to stand for their rights & how. The generation before us was thought to sacrifice & bend over to the needs of their husbands, maybe that being the reason for more successful marriages then today.
When Ayisa’s husband was confronted on the allegations he responded with ease “we belong to a Muslim family where the women handle the household & men work, but that does not mean I am old fashioned, the women in my household have a mind of their own & are allowed to whatever they like.”
Women are usually blamed for the divorces & men get off with a clean slate. Looking at both sides is very crucial & in UAE the court makes sure that the marriage won’t work, before finalizing the divorce.
It is a very hectic & long process, this might discourage some but the past ratings speak otherwise.
“My wife couldn’t handle living in joint family, we wanted a young bride so that she could mould into the family but it didn’t happen, the pressure got to her, plus her family is very nosy” Ibrahim (Asiya’s husband) says in his defense to the divorce.
Though everyone has an excuse for their actions, divorces are eating up the societies trust on marriage day by day. The rate of increased divorces is inversely proportional to the level of trust each individual has on the other. Parents find it hard to trust others for their sons, daughters which lead to suspicions, distrust & well the cycle come back to divorces. To end this vicious cycle mothers need to teach better to their sons & daughters since their childhood. Marriage is a scared bond between two people & their families. If the basis of trust is wobbly then leading a good life together becomes hard since the very start. It a societal curse we need to break out of.